“My name is Paul and I am a metalhead.”

“Hi, Paul.”

I used to be ashamed of the fact that I appreciated the fine art of air-guitaring and/or air-drumming. Now I’m proud! DAMN PROUD! As an air-instrumentalist, no music in the history of rock and roll is better than Black Sabbath! But I’m only talking about Ozzy Osbourne-era Sabbath, my long-haired-soap-dodging comrades.

In their heyday, Ozzy and Co. played some of the heaviest dirges ever cut onto vinyl. And we should be thankful these Birmingham burnouts introduced the world to the art of heavy metal with one wasted middle finger in the air. Furthermore, it’s important to point out two things Black Sabbath did for popular music: 1) They created some of the most influential sounds making an entirely new subgenre of rock. 2) They inspired a toilet-full of shitty bands who have recorded some of the worst albums in history.

Needless to say, their music is timeless and should, nay MUST, be rediscovered every couple of years. Thank the “Lord of this world” for cover bands like Supernaughty! Why? Because, instead of listening to abysmal Sabbath influenced pap at some metal bar in Tacoma, we can just cut the crap and listen to renditions of some of the greatest hits of heavy metal played by hardcore BS devotees! If you find yourself coughing along to the opening strains of “Sweet Leaf” or believe you’ve seen fairies wear boots at least a couple of times in your life, then you really should go to the free Supernaughty show at the Funhouse tonight (August 8th). The band consists of Matt and Tim (of Yam), Mary (of Waves, Mars Accelerator, et al.) and newcomer Miranda Sky.

Supernaughty’s musicality and loyalty to the originals are astounding. At the Funhouse a couple of months back, they played the non-radio classics! No “Iron Man” or “War Pigs” just gems like “Supernaut” (of course) and the bass heavy “N.I.B.” I actually lost count of how many hardcore Sabbath fans were there playing air drums/bass/guitar or just simply yelling along to these esoteric BS classics. From Supernaughty’s opening riff I felt as though I had an invisible Gibson SG around my neck and a phantom guitar pick in hand. I knew every riff by heart and I was there to jam with Sabbath. And I know the aromatic dude standing next to me felt the same goddamn way His smoky leather jacket smelled of piss and beer, but he was right there with me—headbanging, miming out solos, and partaking in a circle jerk of heavy metal worship. The altar was the stage and the crowd was the congregation. Black Sabbath’s music was the hymn and Supernaughty was the choir. I’m not saying their performance was a religious experience, I’m just saying that by getting in touch with my metal past this band helped me become a born again headbanger.

“Whatcha gonna do?/Time’s caught up with you.”

Supernaughty will be churning out the hits tonight at the Funhouse! I’ll be there handing out the air guitar sheet music with a huge, toothy smile on my face. And since this show is free, you won’t have to sell your soul for the rock and roll!